Now I feel the pain, and it means I’m alive

Well, I ended up being in a car accident and became, you know, kind of stuck on pain medication after that. And it was many, many years that I had been on them, been off them, been in pain management.

And I was in a relationship with somebody that was heavy on them, and so he would take my pills. And it was always really stressful for me, being with someone that was always trying to take my stuff. And we ended up splitting up.

But after that, the damage was done, I was kind of stuck on the medicine. I don’t like doctors after everything that I’ve been through, so I would end up avoiding doctors and buying pills that I knew from people that I knew.

A close call

And then after a long time of that. One person that got me medication one time, got me what I think was fentanyl pills. And the next time I went to go get medicine, he ghosted me and stole my money. And I went through a really bad detox, like, really, really bad. I was considering committing suicide, eating a whole bunch of Tylenol and just being done with it. I was. I was extremely sick.

A relapse, and a warning from an unexpected place

So then after that, I tried to stay clean. I was clean for probably, like six months. And then someone was like, hey, I have some stuff. So I ended up getting back into it. And then, you know, they would give me pills off the street. And then after a while, he told me, when are you going to get clean?

And that made me think. And he’s like, I can’t promise you I can get clean things. You know, they might end up being with fentanyl. Like, you know, dirty from the streets. I can’t promise you I’m going to have anything that’s good for you.

I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to get sick. I don’t want to get in trouble.

And then, I was thinking about getting clean. I’ve always been wanting to get clean. But that really stuck with me. The fact that the person that I was buying from was telling me, like, hey, you need to get clean. I don’t want to be selling to you anymore. But I was still scared of going through detox again and getting really sick.

Finding suboxone

And I knew people that did, like, the methadone treatment and went through that. But I used to use methadone to get high. I didn’t see how methadone could help me get clean. So I was researching other things, and I came across several websites that offered suboxone treatment.

And I was reading testimonials and I was reading about the medication. And I thought that it would be a good idea to try it.

Starting treatment

So I set up the appointment, and the first appointment that I had, the guy that I spoke to, he was really nice and caring. And when I was talking to him, I was bawling. I was crying so bad. You know, because I was. I was ashamed to be admitting it because it was always like something that I kept a secret to myself. Nobody really knew.

So after that, I got the prescription. And then when I went to go fill it, they told me that I would have to wait a few days, so I was scared again, like, I’m going to have to get sick because I don’t have any more medicine.

So because I was afraid of going through withdrawals when I was waiting for the suboxone strips, I ended up getting more. So then when I went to go start my medication, I delayed, like, probably a week starting because of the pharmacy and then being scared to try it and being sick.

But then once I started it, I felt a lot better. I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms at all. Nothing.

Life today

I ended up deciding to stay on it. I don’t think I’m going to stop taking it. I think I will probably take it for a while. One, because it helps me a lot, but two, it really helps with my fibromyalgia. So I end up having all of that pain gone, like the nerve pain and everything that I had before. All of that is gone.

And I’ve held a job steady for almost five years now. I actually have three jobs. I homeschool my son. I do crafts on the side. But, everything has gotten better since I started suboxone treatment. So it’s really been a blessing for me. And all the doctors that I deal with have all been super nice and caring.